As you know, I love books. I would be no kind of book lover if I did not share this with you. This month I have three book giveaways for you. You currently have a few more days to enter into the draw for The Mindfulness in Knitting, which has been donated to you as a lovely gift from KB reader Alison Mayne. Thank you, Alison!
You may remember that I talked about Hilary Grant’s incredible book, Knitting from the North, in episode 70 of the podcast. You may know Hilary from her wonderful knitwear collections and in this book she has created some of these ready-made pieces (along with new designs) into hand-knit patterns.
Not only are the designs beautiful, they are all made in Jamieson’s of Shetland yarn and the photography in the book is utterly stunning. I always think that a lot of mags and books get it so wrong when they feature too much on the model or the setting and not the knitted item (as crazy as it sounds! You just look at the next knitting mag or book you open – can you see item details well? ) In this book the knitwear, the models and the locations are incredibly well balanced, indeed. The items are also pictured flat in great lighting too, which really adds to the “oh my gosh! I need to knit all of these!”
I loved this book so much I bought one for a lucky KnitBritish reader. To be in with a chance of winning this lovely book, you must comment below with your favourite Christmas cracker joke. Comment by 12pm, Friday, 16th December and I will select the joke that made me laugh the most as the winner (so, no random draw this time, you really have to make me laugh to win!). I do not promise to get this to you by Christmas but you may get it by the New Year.
Also, pro-tip – if your comment does not appear straight away it is because I have to click a button. I work full time, so won’t always be able to do this right away. I will moderate it when I can. When you comment a message displays saying something like “Your comment is awaiting moderation” but quite a lot of you either don’t see this and email me anyway or comment another two or three times Then email me. It really is ok. you will be entered (as long as you answer with a joke!). Just be patient.
Why are Christmas Trees bad knitters?
They keep loosing their needles!
What does Miley Cyrus eat for Christmas?
Twerky.
My favourite cracker joke? What does a Thesaurus eat for breakfast? … A synonym roll’ !
what a lovely give away! Thank you 🙂
Why are pirates called pirates? Because they ‘aaaaaarrrrrrre ‘ !
What do you call a bunch of chess players bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?
Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!
I actually sent a secret Santa gift yesterday and covered the back of the package with Christmas jokes. I thought it might make someone laugh! My favourite joke (although not Christmas themed). – what’s ET short for? He’s only got little legs! Love it.
My 3 yr old has also reached the stage of making up jokes. His current favourite – ‘what do you call a Christmas tree with no tree? A treeeeeeeees.’ This is apparently hilarious!
And now you have to imagine a herd of buffalo wandering the snowy American plains….
What’s the difference between a buffalo and a bison?
You can wash your hands in a bison! BOOM BOOM!
I’ll get my coat….
What are Santa’s helpers called?
Subordinate clauses!
What dies Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in the chimney?
CLAUSTRAPHOBIA
Why did Santa’s helper see the doctor?
BECAUSE HE HAD LOW ELF-ESTEEM!
What is the world’s best Christmas present?
A BROKEN DRUM. YOU JUST CAN’T BEAT IT!
And finally……………
Why are Christmas trees like bad knitter?
TEY KEEP DROPPING THEIR NEEDLES!
Happy christmas Louise xx
Excuse all my typos in the previous post!!
Everyone knows Rudolph’s name – but what was the blind reindeer called? No idea!! (Groan ????)
Have a great festive time all of you!
What do snowmen wear on their heads?
Ice caps!
Why did the turkey join the band?
Because he had drumsticks
(Badoom tish)..
ok, here goes…
what do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frost bite!
wishing you all a very Merry Christmas
xx
Why does the alphabet have only 25 letters?
Because the angels sang “No L”!
Already got my coat!
Did you hear about the pregnant cat who ate a ball of yarn? She had mittens ???? What a lovely give away prize. Merry Christmas!
i kind of groan and have another glass of wine with cracker jokes. – baa humbug. At the weekend I met up with a group of quilting friends and this is the only joke I remember
What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck? : A Christmas Quacker!
fantastic giveaway and one definitely to spread Christmas wooly cheer!
Why does Santa have 3 gardens – So he can ho,ho,ho
Lovely giveaway thank you
We don’t really do Christmas crackers in Denmark so we don’t get the jokes (well, we ‘get’ them, we just don’t have any…). I’ve got another Christmassy joke, though, which is rightly supposed to be listened to rather than read:
Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker are fighting with their light sabres (imagine the swoosh and whirrrr).
DV: I know what you’re getting for Christmas.
LS: What??
(More swooshing and whirring)
DV: I know what you’re getting for Christmas.
LS: What??
DV: I’ve felt your presents!
It was told to me in Scotland by a Scot who was very good at making the right Star Wars sounds 🙂
Knock knock
Who’s there
Arthur
Arthur Who
Arthur any mince pies left……
First heard that at school and it’s tickled me pink ever since…..
Why did Santa’s helper go to a therapist?
Because he had a low “elf” esteem!
I guess as a therapist I have to go with the one that supports our work…
Q. What do you call a cat in the Desert?
A. Sandy Claws…..
Happy Christmas and here’s to 2017!
What’s brown and sticky?
A stick.
What kind of motorbike does Father Christmas ride?
A Holly Davidson!
Ha Ha happy Christmas Louise!
What a wonderful way of deciding who will win, hope you have a fun night reading the comments. ????
And merry Christmas!
Here is my try :
“What does a frog do if his car breaks down?
He gets it toad away.” ????
What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?
A Christmas Quacker!
I’m not an early bird or a night owl.Im some form of permanently exhausted pidgeon.
You call them swear words. I call them sentence enhancers.
In my defense, I was left unsupervised.
I tried to be normal once! Worst 2 minutes of my life!!!
How does good king wenceslas like his pizza?
Deep pan , crisp and even
Merry Christmas
Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? He worked it out with a pencil…
i just snorted my coffee! Was that REALLY in a cracker?!!
Maybe… or it might be the only joke I remember!
What did Father Christmas do when he went speed dating?
He pulled a cracker.
Why was the snowman looking through the carrots ?
He was picking his nose !
Pat j
What do you call an underground train full of professors?
A tube of smarties!
What do you call a bunch of chess players bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?
Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!
*rimshot!* 😀
The book looks amazing. You’re a good egg for making it available. 😀
Why does Father Christmas come down the chimney? Because it soots him to!
What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinselitis!
Beautiful book!
This one made me laugh. . . I will say, I popped my first Christmas cracker in Scotland last year and I think the tradition is one of the best 🙂
What do you call a bunch of chess players bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?
Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!
What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?
Tinselitis.
What did the Spanish sheep say at Christmas?
Fleece Navidad.
Not a French cultural thing at all, Xmas jokes!
That one made me laugh, because of Pepe le Pew (smelly skunk with a beret and a thick French accent).
What do you get if you cross a bell with a skunk?
Jungle Smells!
And also the only joke I know that makes me laugh, but not Xmassy:
A lonely, blind baby porcupine walks in the desert and bumps into a cactus.
Mommy!
Typo, it’s Jingle Smells!!
What do you get if you eat too many Christmas decorations?
Tinsel-itis!
(Ok tis joke is from the film Arthur Christmas, but that’s such a great movie!)
What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?
A Christmas Quacker!
I have to admit they all make me chuckle, can’t help it ????
What’s the most popular Christmas wine?
I don’t like Brussels Sprouts.
Who hids in the bakery at Christmas?
A mince spy.
Hides! Hides in a bakery. Sorry, can’t blame autocorrect for that one.
What do you call a line of men waiting for a haircut?
A barber queue
What do you get when you cross a kangaroo and a sheep —– A woolly jumper !!!
There are ten coos in a field, which one is closest to Dubai?
Coo eight!
Man ” I’d like to take you for a coffee”
Woman ” You’ve spelt wine wrong!”
Why is there an angel stuck on the top of the Christmas tree?
She called Santa fat.
I didn’t think I would have a joke for this but it made me think and when I heard this one I knew I could enter the fun! Thank you
What will Christmas be like post Brexit?
No brussels!
I went to the Christmas party at my knitting group
It went on longer than I thought,
I got Pimms and needles
Someone around here has been stealing jumpers in order of size.
Police say he’s still at large.
I enjoyed reading the jokes as well as your post- thank you! Lovely idea for a giveaway 🙂